Some Funny Comics I recently received in emails

    Typical lawyer joke


    Robert went to his lawyer and said, 'I would like to make a will but I don't know exactly how to go about it.' The lawyer smiled at Robert and replied, 'Not a problem, leave it all to me.' Robert looked somewhat upset and said, 'Well, I knew you were going to take a big portion, but I would like to leave a little to my family too!'


    Nobody gets outta here ALIVE

    "Sixty is the worst age to be," said the 60-year-old.
    "You always feel like you have to pee. And most of the time, you stand at the toilet and nothing comes out!"
    "Ah, that's nothin'," said the 70-year-old. "When you're seventy, you can't even crap anymore. You take laxatives, then you sit on the toilet all day and nothin' comes out!"
    "Actually," said the 80-year-old, "80 is the worst age of all!"
    "Do you have trouble peeing too?" asked the 60-year-old.
    "No, not really. I pee every morning at 6:00. I pee like a racehorse on a flat rock; no problem at all."
    "Do you have trouble crapping?" asked the 70-year-old.
    "No, I crap every morning at 6:30."
    With great exasperation, the 60-year-old said, "Let me get this straight. You pee every morning at 6:00 and crap every morning at 6:30.
    So what's so tough about being 80?"
    "I don't wake up until 7:00!"

    Nobody gets outta here ALIVE

    A woman is at home when she hears someone knocking at her door.
    She goes to the door opens it and sees a man standing there.
    He asks the lady, "Do you have a Vagina?"
    She slams the door in disgust.
    The next morning she hears a knock at the door, its the same man and he asks the same question to the woman, "Do you have a Vagina?"
    She slams the door again.
    Later that night when her husband gets home she tell him what has happened for the last two days.
    The husband tells his wife in a loving and concerned voice, "Honey, I am taking an off tomorrow so as to be home, just incase this guy shows up again."
    The next morning they hear a knock at the door and both ran for the door.
    The husband whisperes to the wife, "Honey, im going to hide behind the door and listen and if it is the same guy I want you to answer yes to the
    question because I want to a see where he's going with this."
    She nods yes to her husband and opens the door.
    Sure enough the same fellow is standing there, he asks, "Do you have a Vagina?"
    "Yes I do." says the lady.
    The man replies, "Good, would you mind telling your husband to leave my wife's alone and start using yours!"

    Nobody gets outta here ALIVE

    Here something that will put a smile on your face today


    A 74-year-old man is having a drink in Harpoon Harry’s. Suddenly a gorgeous girl enters and sits down a few seats away. The girl is so attractive that he just can't take his eyes off her. After a short while, the girl notices him staring, and approaches him.

    Before the man has time to apologize, the girl looks him in the eyes and says to him in a sultry tone: "I'll do anything you'd like. I'm game. I want $400, and there's another condition.”

    Stunned by the sudden turn of events, the man asks her what her condition is. "You have to tell me what you want me to do in just three words.

    The man takes a moment to consider the offer. Then he whips out his wallet and puts $400 dollars into her hand. Next he looks her square in the eyes and says slowly: "Paint my house.”

    Our needs change as we get older, and we tend to look for bargains.

    Do not resent growing old. Many are denied.... The Privilege :REDSS: :SUPERCHARGERSS: : :HEADERSS: : :COILOVERSS: Wycked hitch





    BLUE CROSS/BLUE BALL


    A wealthy hospital benefactor was being shown around the hospital.
    During her tour, she passed a room where a male patient was
    masturbating furiously.

    "Oh my GOD!" screamed the woman. "That's disgraceful! Why is he doing
    that?"

    The doctor who was leading the tour calmly explained.

    "I'm very sorry that you were exposed to that, but this man has a
    serious condition where his testicles rapidly fill with semen, and if
    he doesn't do that at least five times a day, he'll be in extreme pain
    and his testicles could easily rupture."

    "Oh, well in that case, I guess it's okay," said the woman...

    As they passed by the next room, they saw a male patient lying in bed
    while a nurse performed oral sex on him.

    Again, the woman screamed, "Oh my GOD! How can THAT be justified?"

    Again the doctor spoke very calmly:
    Same disease, better health plan.”


    Can I hire her...