Some Funny Comics I recently received in emails
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My favorite septic truck pic had a big sign on the back that said "Stool Bus." Don't remember where I stored that pic, so I Googled for Stool Bus - https://www.google.com/search?…ECAEQBA&biw=1909&bih=1538.
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I'm not saying I drive fast, but on my last trip, the lady in my GPS told me to pull over and she would walk.
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Man I tell her to shut up all the time. I have lived in NE Florida for 40 some years and she thinks I am going the wrong way to where I been to hundreds of times. She kind of has a haggling voice anyway.
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Funny, my girlfriend told me after I just got a new GPS and it was saying to turn and I was saying I don't want to turn..... "You paid a thousands dollars to argue with that? I would have done it for free."
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Breaking News.....
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My doctor asked if anyone in my family suffered from mental illness.. I said, "No, we all seem to enjoy it."
I thought growing older would take longer.
My bucket list: keep breathing.
Camping: where you spend a small fortune to live like a homeless person.
Just once, I want a username and password prompt to say, "Close enough.."
Being an adult is the dumbest thing I have ever done.
I'm a multitasker. I can listen, ignore and forget all at the same time!
Retirement to do list: Wake up. Nailed it!
People who wonder if the glass is half empty or half full miss the point. The glass is refillable.
When you can't find the sunshine . . . be the sunshine.
I don't have grey hair. I have wisdom highlights.
Sometimes it takes me all day to get nothing done.
I don't trip, I do random gravity checks.
My heart says chocolate and wine, but my jeans say, please, please, please eat a salad!
One minute you're young and fun. The next, you're turning down the car stereo to see better.
I'd grow my own food if only I could find bacon seeds.
Losing weight doesn't seem to be working for me, so from now on I'm going to concentrate on getting taller.
Some people are like clouds, once they disappear it's a beautiful day.
Some people you're glad to see coming; some people you're glad to see going.
Common sense is not a gift. It's a punishment because you have to deal with everyone else who doesn't have it.
I came. I saw. I forgot what I was doing. Retraced my steps. Got lost on the way back. Now I have no idea what's going on.
If you can't think of a word say "I forgot the English word for it.." That way people will think you're bilingual instead of an idiot.
I'm at a place in my life where errands are starting to count as going out.
I don't always go the extra mile, but when I do it's because I missed my exit.
I don't mean to brag, but I finished my 14-day diet food supply in 3 hours and 20 minutes.
I may not be that funny or athletic or good looking or smart or talented. I forgot where I was going with this.
Having plans sounds like a good idea until you have to put on clothes and leave the house.
It's weird being the same age as old people.
When I was a kid I wanted to be older... this is not what I expected.
Life is like a helicopter. I don't know how to operate a helicopter either.
It's probably my age that tricks people into thinking I'm an adult.
Never sing in the shower! Singing leads to dancing, dancing leads to slipping, and slipping leads to paramedics seeing you naked. So remember... don't sing!
I see people about my age mountain climbing. I feel good getting my leg through my underwear without losing my balance.
We all get heavier as we get older, because there's a lot more information in our heads. That's my story and I'm sticking to it.
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