Inside the CVS I found the Benadryl easily, and didn’t bother to wait until I had paid for it. I just opened it up right there in the aisle and started swigging. I had wondered as I was opening the box if I would be able to swallow with my tongue swelling like it was, but I needn’t have worried. I could swallow just fine and I could even taste the cherry flavor of the medicine, although it felt like those cherries were on fire.
“Hey!” I heard a loud male voice yell from behind me. I turned and saw a CVS guy heading straight for me. I held up my hand in a “stop” gesture and was about to explain that I intended to pay for the Benadryl when he said “What the hell did you say to Cheryl”?!?
I was thoroughly confused. “Whaa? Who?”
He pointed behind him and standing at the end of the aisle was Cheryl, the ridiculously pretty girl, with a look on her face that was about 20 miles past pissed off. “Did you tell her to sit on your tongue!?! That’s my brother’s girlfriend! You don’t speak to her like that!”
“Whaa?” I said. “”Thit on my tongue?” Then it occurred to me what had happened. She had misunderstood me due to the swelling. I burst out laughing, which was an amazing thing considering how much pain I was in.
“Oh, you think this is funny? I ought to kick the shit out of you, you asshole!”
I held up my hand in a “stop” gesture again and said “wait, thath not…. AHAHAHAHA….” I was laughing too hard to try to talk, and even if I weren’t laughing, I still probably couldn’t speak well enough to explain. I sounded like I was about 15 marshmallows ahead of my competition in a game of Chubby Bunny. That thought just made me laugh all-the-harder. I actually said “Chubby Bunny” to see what it would sound like. I was bent over, holding my stomach, bellowing out laughter now. I had tears in my eyes and I needed to pee.
“What the hell is WRONG with you, man?!” the CVS guy asked with a look on his face that actually bordered on concern.
After a minute I got control of myself. I held up an index finger [wait gesture], I pointed to my mouth and then did a small, palm-out wave with my hand [I can’t speak gesture], then I held out my left palm and made a writing motion on it with my right hand. I wanted to find a pen and pad, but then it occurred to me that I didn’t need to write. I had my phone in my pocket, so I could type. I showed the guy my phone and then started to type.
“Didn’t say ‘sit on my tongue’. I said ‘stung on my tongue’. Yellowjacket stung me. Can’t speak!”
I showed him the Samsung Galaxy S8+ and suddenly he was the one laughing. I looked up towards the end of the aisle and the look on Cheryl’s face had gone from anger to anger with a big dose of confusion. She started walking towards us, evidently curious to know what I had typed that would cause her boyfriend’s brother to betray her like this. That got me going again, so now the CVS guy and I were both looking at Cheryl and laughing. She did not seem pleased by this new development.
“Cheryl, you idiot!” the CVS guy said through his laughter. Cheryl had reached us and snatched the phone out of the CVS guy’s hand. Her face went blank as she read what I’d written. “Oh my GOD! I’m SOOO sorry!” she said. She rushed over and hugged me. “I’m so sorry” she said again. Then we were all three laughing.
After a minute, Cheryl’s mothering instinct apparently kicked in because she looked at me and said “wait, wait, let me see your tongue”. I opened my mouth and tried to stick out my tongue, but it didn’t seem to want to cooperate. I couldn’t move it around or manipulate it like I normally could. “OH MY GOD!” Cheryl screamed. “Oh. Oh. Oh!” She grabbed my hand “what do you have? Lemme see!” she asked, and upon seeing the Benadryl she shoved it towards my face. “Yes. Drink more. You need more!”
I drank more.
After a while I was finally able to convince Cheryl and Mark (the CVS guy) that I was going to be ok. It seemed that the swelling had subsided a little, or at least it stopped getting worse. I could still breath fine because it was only the front two thirds of my tongue that was swollen. Mark gave me the Benadryl for free as an apology for the misunderstanding and I left the CVS and went over to the McDonalds. I wanted to sit for a while and make sure that the Benadryl wouldn’t affect me to the point that I couldn’t drive. (I didn’t want to explain what happened again, so I just typed out “dental work – can’t speak. Large drink please” on my phone and showed it to the McDonalds girl.) I had already eaten a short time before this drama began so I just got a large tea with lots of ice, and I held the ice in my mouth as long as I could to try to help the swelling.
About 45 minutes later I was convinced that I would be fine. I climbed back into the Slingshot and continued my drive home. I was in pain the ENTIRE way, and for much of the evening.
So, if you are driving your Slingshot and feel the need to yawn, COVER your mouth!
You have great (and long) stories. Makes me glad my wife told me to read more.