Some Funny Comics I recently received in emails

    The old lady handed her bank card to a bank teller and said, “I would like to withdraw $10 The teller told her, “For withdrawals less than $100 please use the ATM.”

    The old lady wanted to know why ... The teller returned her bank card and irritably told her, “These are the rules. Please leave if there is no other matter. There is a line of customers behind you.”

    The old lady remained silent for a few seconds, then handed the card back to the teller and said, “Please help me withdraw all the money I have.” The teller was astonished when she checked the account balance. She nodded her head, leaned down and respectfully told her, you have $300,000 in your account and the bank doesn't have that much cash currently. Could you make an appointment and come again tomorrow?

    The old lady then asked how much she could withdraw immediately. The teller told her any amount up to $3000 "Well, please let me have $3000 now", she said.

    The teller then handed it very friendly and respectfully to her The old lady put $10 in her purse and told the teller to deposit $2990 back into her account.

    The moral of this tale ....... Don't be difficult with old people, they’ve spent a lifetime learning their skills

    While attending German classes at the Defense Language Institute in Monterey, CA, I used to tell thefollowing joke -

    The Teacher asks the students to repeat the sound "Oe". The students would answer "Oe" and the teacher would respond, "No, I said "Oe', but you said "Oe"! And the students would all think that's what we said!:/:thumbsup:

    An oldie, but still funny...


    Lady in the bar being a smart ass. Asks this Ole Jarhead "youwanna bet a beer? He says, sure. "What-cha got"
    She Say's, "If there are three ducks sitting on a fence, and you shoot one, how many are left?" He said "None." She asks, "Why?" He said "Because the shot scared them all off." The girl says, "No, the answer is two.
    But I like how you'think" Now buy me a beer* Ole Jarhead says,, okay,, my turn..
    If you see three women walking out of an ice cream parlor, one is licking her ice cream, one is sucking her ice cream, and one is biting her ice cream, which one is married?" She says, oh I see where you're going with that. "The one sucking her ice cream.""!
    The Ole Jarhead says, "No, the one with the wedding ring, but I like how you're thinking!" Now buy Me a Beer*

    When the going gets tough.... Downshift.

    From my Funnies Pusher -


    Jeopardy for
    Seniors. This is fun!
    THIS MAY BE HARDER THAN YOU MAY THINK.
      
    THE ANSWERS WILL BE ON THE TIP OF YOUR TONGUE, BUT YOU JUST CAN'T QUITE REMEMBER THE CORRECT ANSWER.
    Let's see how good your

    memory is.
    Don't look at the answers yet, until the end.
    Youngsters, you don't have a chance.
    I was picky as to who I sent this to.
    It had to be those who might actually remember.
    So have some fun, my sharp-witted friends.
    This is a test for the 'older kids'!



     The answers are printed below, (after the questions) but don't cheat! answer them first...



    01. After the Lone Ranger saved the day and rode off into the sunset, the grateful citizens would ask,
     "Who was that masked man?"
     Invariably, someone would answer, "I don't know, but he left this behind."
     What did he leave behind? A ______ ______.
     02. When the Beatles first came to the U.S. In early 1964, we all watched them on The __ ________ Show.
     03. "Get your kicks, __ _____ __!"
     04. The story you are about to see is true. The names have been changed to _______ ___ _______.'
     05. 'In the jungle, the mighty jungle, ___ ____ ______ _______.'
     06. After the Twist, The Mashed Potato, and the Watusi, we 'danced' under a stick that was lowered as low as we could go in a dance called the '_____.'
     07. Nestle's makes the very best... _________.'
     08. Satchmo was America 's 'Ambassador of Goodwill.' Our parents shared this great jazz trumpet player with us. His name was ____ _________.
     09. What takes a licking and keeps on ticking? ___ _____ _____.
     10. Red Skeleton's hobo character was named ______ ___ __________ and Red always ended his television show by saying, 'Good Night, and '___ ____ .'
     11. Some Americans who protested the Vietnam War did so by burning their _____ _____.
     12. The cute little car with the engine in the back and the trunk in the front was called the VW. What other names did it go by? ______ or ___.
     13. In 1971, singer Don MacLean sang a song about, 'the day the music died.' This was a tribute to _____ _____.
     14. We can remember the first satellite placed into orbit. The Russians did it. It was called _______.
     15. One of the big fads of the late 50's and 60's was a large plastic ring that we twirled around our waist. It was called the _____-____.
     16. Remember LS/MFT _____ ______ /_____ ____ _______.
     17. Hey Kids! What time is it? It's _____ _____ ____!
     18. Who knows what secrets lie in the hearts of men? Only The ______ Knows!
     19. There was a song that came out in the 60's that was "a grave yard smash". It's name was the _______ ____!
     20. Alka Seltzer used a "boy with a tablet on his head" as it's Logo/Representative What was the boy's name was ______.




    ANSWERS:
    01. The Lone Ranger left behind... A silver bullet
    02. The Ed Sullivan Show
    03. On Route 66
    04. To protect the innocent
    05. The Lion Sleeps Tonight
    06. The limbo
    07. Chocolate
    08. Louis Armstrong
    09. The Timex Watch
    10. Freddy, The Freeloader and 'Good Night and God Bless.'
    11. Draft Cards (Bras were also burned. Not flags, as some have guessed)
    12.     Beetle or Bug
    13. Buddy Holly
    14. Sputnik
    15. Hula-hoop
    16. Lucky Strike/Means Fine Tobacco
    17. Howdy Doody Time
    18. Shadow
    19. Monster Mash
    20. Speedy
    Send this to your 'older' friends, (Better known as Seniors.) It will drive them crazy! And keep them busy and let them forget their aches and pains for a few minutes.
     

    An old lady was walking along the beach in South Florida when she notices an old lantern that had obviously been washed ashore. She picked it up and immediately started to rub it for good luck. All of a sudden a Gene magically appeared and told her that he would grant her 3 wishes but make sure of her choices as once granted they could not be exchanged for something different.


    For her first wish, she told the Genie that she wanted to be rich - not just rich, but she wanted to be INSANELY rich. He said no problem and before she could say thank you, 3 armored cars loaded with cash drove out of the ocean as the Genie said to her that she would never be able to spend all that money no matter how long she lived.


    For her second wish she said that since she had all this money and she was already in her 80's, she told the Genie that she wanted to be 21 years old again and extremely sexy. Before she had a chance to say please, she was brought back to her youth and had a body that every women dreamed of having. The Genie told her that she was down to her last wish, so make it a good one.


    She paused for a couple of minutes and said that she no longer wanted to her old boring life and wanted to live the life of Sara Pipalenie. The genie was baffled and asked her who was Sara Pipalenie. She reached into her pocket and took out this newspaper article that she been carrying for a few years. She said here, this will tell you all you need to know about her.


    The Genie started to read the article and didn't get past the first couple of lines and broke out laughing. he said to her, "my good women, that is NOT Sara Pipalenie. It says here that 10,000 men laid the TRANS SAHARA PIPELINE"

    Nobody gets outta here ALIVE