PROOF? Oh, I forgot, you and melting Rudy don't have proof. Just rants. Do you also run around your parent's basement shaking reams of papers while your mascara runs down your cheek?
And my mascara is waterproof....
I thought I would show you how I live....
below is a link to my house....
some wedding pictures
we raise chickens
High school picture
I don’t want to hear about Biden...
so as you can see my life is pretty normal....
that reminds me of my cousin...he was a tall kid....they had to keep a wire coat hanger beside the toilet so he could break up the logs....LOL
My first job was in a small family-owned hardware store that served regular customers weekends and primarily did business with contractors and apartment complexes during the week. We had a maintenance man from one of the local apartment complexes tell us he needed extensions to raise the toilet seat because one of the renters complained about his scrotum (not the term he used) getting wet when he sat on the toilet!
Not comics, but still funny, from a former co-worker -
I’m on two diets. I wasn’t getting enough food on one.
A cold seat in a public restroom is unpleasant. A warm seat in a public restroom is worse.
Apparently RSVP’ing to a wedding invitation “Maybe next time,” isn’t the correct response.
Don’t irritate old people. The older we get, the less “Life in prison” is a deterrent.
Have you ever listened to someone for a minute and thought “Their cornbread isn't done in the middle.”
Aliens probably fly by earth and lock their doors.
“You will hit every cone on the highway before I let you merge in front of me because you saw that sign 2 miles ago like I did."
I asked my wife if I was the only one she had ever been with. She said yes, all the others were nines and tens...
I really don’t mind getting older, but my body is taking it badly.
It turns out that being an adult now is mostly just googling how to do stuff.
I miss the 90’s when bread was still good for you and no one knew what kale was.
Do you ever get up in the morning, look in the mirror and think “That can’t be accurate.”
I want to be 14 again and ruin my life differently. I have new ideas.
As I watch this new generation try to rewrite our history, one thing I’m sure of....it will be misspelled and have no punctuation.
I told my wife I wanted to be cremated. She made me an appointment for Tuesday.
Confuse your doctor by putting on rubber gloves at the same time he does.
My wife asked me to take her to one of those restaurants where they make food right in front of you. I took her to Subway. That’s when the fight started.
Me: Sobbing my heart out, “I can’t see you anymore.....I’m not going to let you hurt me again.” Gym Trainer: “It was one sit-up. You did just one sit-up.”
Picked up a hitchhiker. He asked if I wasn’t afraid, he might be a serial killer? I told him the odds of two serial killers being in the same car was extremely unlikely.
I went line dancing last night. OK, it was a roadside sobriety test... same thing.
most women when they put on weight their breasts get bigger.....
If that was the case for men...we would all look like sumo wrestlers and we would be leaving a drag mark...
I wrote this joke about 30 years ago....
I don't think my Wife would appreciate me wearing such a shirt in public, and I'm sure my Kids wouldn't like seeing it in private! I also think the second step often leads to problems with the third step in either choice of partner or performance!