A word of warning (caution: morbid and angry post)

    This is not a happy post. If you're in a good mood you don't want ruined, I recommend not reading further. Also, I'm going to use some bad words here.


    I'm in this hospital room in northern VA at 0-dark-30, watching my boss die. He's a retired Navy guy, started his second career as a civil servant, still with the Navy he's loved for apparently his whole adult life. 15 months ago, he got diagnosed with the lung disease that eventually brings us to where we are tonight.


    I've served with him for 2 years and 2 months. I'm his deputy, which means when they take him off the ventilator in 5 hours and he passes on, I'm getting a promotion I don't fucking want, for the last few months of my tour here. I have to keep the team together, keep the mission going, eventually train my relief, and ideally, train a new boss, if and when that individual shows up.


    I'm angry.


    For the last 15 months, this guy has worked non-stop. He's answered emails at 10 pm on Saturday nights. He's beaten me to work almost every day (which is pretty goddamn early), and except for a bunch of doctor appts, he typically stayed pretty late most days, too.


    I'm pretty sure they told him he was terminal at the outset. You'd think someone in that position would shuffle some priorities. Maybe, you know, start planning to train his team on some of the stuff that only he does. Maybe pass on files or processes, or lighten his own load to allow himself to focus on some other things. Maybe do something other than, oh, I don't know, work.


    Did I mention he has a family? Wife (also retired Naval officer), 13 y/o daughter. 7 acres of land, with horses, lots to do and keep busy with. But this guy would rather work.


    And there is the crux of my anger, and my word of caution. We all have responsibilities, duties, work we feel obligated to do. But, I'm guessing most of us probably Sling less than we would like to, maybe don't get to see people we probably ought to, and maybe spend less time at home than our family deserves.


    If that last one is you, knock it off. Just fucking stop. Put down the work, go home, and hug someone.


    I don't know what this guy was like at home. Probably a loving, devoted father and husband. I hope. I hope he was easier to deal with at home than he was at work. But I for damn sure know he wasn't there enough. I hope his daughter has enough good memories with him to last the rest of her life, because she's done making them. And that's a goddamn crying shame, because this train's been visible on the track a long fucking time.


    So, I'm angry. (Lots of reasons, some of them personal and selfish, so don't go thinking this is all noble and shit.) But the message I would leave you with is, if you aren't balanced in your life, seek that balance. Don't wait until you are in your terminal hospital bed to slow down. Spend that time where you value it the most, where it will do the most good. Someday, the wheels stop turning, and all the second chances are gone. Don't leave a stack of missed opportunities on the table for people to regret behind you.


    I can't do anything about this situation but sit here and listen to the machines and wait for the dawn, when his family will arrive and the machines will go silent, and this goddamn awful watch will end. But I can do something in my own life. And you can do something in yours. Don't waste any more time - you truly never get it back.

    @KayTwo, your Boss is/was fortunate to have someone like you to work with. I say this in all honesty, because I have had the pleasure of meeting you personnaly. Your words ring true and hit close to home. 2015 and the start of 2016 saw Velma and I say our final good-bye's to a lot of really close family members. Neither one of us thought we were as close and personal as we should have been. We both blamed work. I know now that is a cop out. Take time to smell the roses...because one day...you won't get that chance. I hear you, brother. If there is anything Me and Velma can do for you, you know you can count on us to be there in a second!!!!!!

    I learned this lesson the hard way. My first wife for 23 years was diagnosed with leukemia in 2001. We were told from the beginning the best she could hope for with a bone marrow transplant was 10 years. Up until 2009 I was busy taking care of her and flying C-130 missions in the Air Force. For the last year of her life I was working 55 hours a week in retail while at the same time taking her to appointments every day. I was so focused on making a living that I didn't get a chance to live my life with her. She passed away 10 years and 2 months after she was diagnosed.
    My mentality towards life is completely different now. Work is now just a part of my day. I don't focuses on it beyond arriving on time and leaving as soon as I can. My beautiful new wife, three daughters, and son are what I live for. Coaching soccer, riding in my sling, and hitting the trails in our Jeep are the fun part of life. The closest thing to stress in my existace is actual fun, Politics Suck.
    Learned my lesson.
    Work to live, don't live to work.

    Quote from V-SHOT

    ...you know you can count on us to be there in a second!!!!!!

    Thanks, brother. That's something else that a lot of us (especially the heavy-duty alphas) aren't very good at - asking for help.


    That's another lesson here, at least for me. This guy, and his wife, too, were very proud and independent, not comfortable asking for or receiving help. I know that has made the last month or so harder for them rather than easier, because instead of just giving things up to family and friends, they tried to hold on and maintain control and manage things, to the detriment of stress levels and relaxation and rest. And you know what? Nothing really changed. One life ends and others are forever changed, and all that energy was expended for what? Pretty much no visible change, except more burden carried.


    So, yeah. Lesson to all. And yes, John, I'll ask for help when I need it. Thank you.

    I'm so sorry to hear this about your friend. Our prayers are with him.


    Also, i work in Arlington and am there now so if you need anything let me know

    Boating with the dolphins, US Navy '76-'84

    Quote from Slingrazor

    I learned this lesson the hard way...for the last year of her life I was working 55 hours a week in retail while at the same time taking her to appointments every day. I was so focused on making a living that I didn't get a chance to live my life with her.

    I'm sorry for your loss, and the hard lesson. I'm picking up what you're putting down.


    My dad moved to my local area and was diagnosed with cancer two years before he passed. In those two years, I missed out on a lot of his last time because I was working 80-90 hours a week for the Navy. Unavoidable given my line of work....so I changed my line of work. I transferred to a different field in the Navy, effectively dead-ending my career (in some peoples' opinion), but giving me much more time for family. Too late to be much good for him, but overall much better for my kids. Still have to put in some time, but nowhere near the load I was carrying before. And I'm as happy as I've ever been. If I could retire tomorrow (at 38!) and still maintain my family's standard of living, I would, but since I can't, the next best thing I can do is be home as much as I can, and take the steps needed to get out of this rat race as soon as I can.

    Quote from DocG

    I'm so sorry to hear this about your friend. Our prayers are with him.


    Also, i work in Arlington and am there now so if you need anything let me know

    Thank you. As soon as this unpleasantness is over, I am driving her back home in her car, so I won't have a chance to stop. Otherwise, I'd say yes, I could use some laughter. So I'll take a raincheck.

    @KayTwo I am so sorry for your impending loss. You have provided some true words of wisdom. We men have a tendency to focus on our work focusing on the all mighty dollar. When I turned 55 my bride pointed out that I had missed so much of our kids life, our life together and she was no longer going to play second fiddle to my mistress - work. She said I had made more than we ever could spend and at first grudgingly I retired. Turned out to be the best thing I ever did. Time with my bride, travelling with the Sling meeting new friends, and my stress level WAY down. I guess the point I'm trying to make is that guy that said "stop and smell the roses" could be one of the smartest guys ever!!

    I might not be right but I can sure sound like it

    All true!


    Another thought is, find something you truly love doing and then it's not work. Even better if you can bring your children to work! Lol... I'm in education and working with children is so fun and amazing... Helping families and the community is awesome!


    I'll be bringing my oldest with me to work soon (she's almost at PreK age)...


    And I do agree, as soon as you can leave and go home, do it! Balance is key! You die and work goes on, you will be replaced. So have fun! :thumbsup:

    Well said K2...That's why I always say materialistic things and work are 2nd to family-Family first!!. Nothing comes before family. Reason I don't get out and ride all the time, reason I pass on certain events..Yes , There are things I wish I can do, but w/ a 11 & 7 year old, it's about them. Yeah they tick me off, I yell, Im rough on my son w/ sports events if I don't like his play, but @ the end of the day.. We always talk and no matter how hard/ rough the day was I always say Love you in morning & night. I try to give my kids things ( without spoiling), I want them to be good to others and respectful & I want them to have fun & remember events/ times cause you never know....Your world can turn on a dime and you just hope as a parent your doing it right and kids sooner or later realize it.


    Very sad, A Great Otis guy just got killed last fri on his motorcycle. Nicest guy, ready to retire. He was good to everyone and His family was First to everything. One of those guys you can't say anything bad about. Very sad, but he did it right! Loving father , Great to people and class...10 seconds could of changed his life.. UPS truck makes last minute turn, car swerves and nails Mike. Very sad..Never know when it's your time..


    So Im w/ K2, realize whats important and live the day.....

    I Have No more toys, just memories.... :/

    How true this is, that people only think of how much money they can make and the families go lacking because they are never home. I worked at International Paper Company for 34 years, as instrumentation /electrician and I was the only employee in the whole mill that turned down overtime work. I only worked what overtime that I had to. The last 4 years I did not work any. Being with and enjoying my family was more important to me. Lighten up and enjoy life and you will live a lot longer without the stress of making that almighty dollar.

    Bought the Slingshot because I watched my sister slowly and painfully die of breast cancer. She spent so much time talking bout all the things she would do when she retired... Yeah, well nuff waiting around!! I saw a Slingshot at a Diner soon after my sis died and it felt like she led me to it.
    So...Get out there and abuse the highways your taxes pay for.....GET SIDEWAYS life is short!!!!

    It's sad but it's the way you were brought up you don't even think about I know I didn't when I was younger, You work as hard as you can to make sure your family has all they need I worked two jobs when my Daughter was young so my wife could stay home for the first year. Then it just seemed to never stop after that once you get in that mind set you don't realize what you are missing out on
    by working all those hours then when you get home your too tired to do anything with your family.
    It's bred into us I watched my father do it worked 16hr days come home eat shower take a nap phone would ring for him to go back to work, I thought that's what a Man did now that I'm older I know
    what I wasted on working 70 to 80hr work weeks. It's time with your Loved ones and your best friends
    that is lost time that you can never make up.

    Quote from Tony Z

    It's sad but it's the way you were brought up you don't even think about I know I didn't when I was younger, You work as hard as you can to make sure your family has all they need I worked two jobs when my Daughter was young so my wife could stay home for the first year. Then it just seemed to never stop after that once you get in that mind set you don't realize what you are missing out on
    by working all those hours then when you get home your too tired to do anything with your family.
    It's bred into us I watched my father do it worked 16hr days come home eat shower take a nap phone would ring for him to go back to work, I thought that's what a Man did now that I'm older I know
    what I wasted on working 70 to 80hr work weeks. It's time with your Loved ones and your best friends
    that is lost time that you can never make up.

    My dad did not do things with the family and I always said that I would not be like that with mine. He did not drink, smoke or whore hop so that was not his excuse. He hunted and fished in his spare time and that did not include us. I have looked down on him all of my life because of us not having family time

    Quote from FunCycle

    My dad did not do things with the family and I always said that I would not be like that with mine. He did not drink, smoke or whore hop so that was not his excuse. He hunted and fished in his spare time and that did not include us. I have looked down on him all of my life because of us not having family time

    I'm so sorry for you to hear that.
    I still have great memories of my Father even he worked almost always but he took time for us to train and show us how to fix cars and work on your own stuff. Well he did not have a good paying job and I think that's why he worked a lot of hour's to provide for the family. He lives on in me my Family and his great son's.
    I still miss him a lot. :(

    Do not resent growing old. Many are denied.... The Privilege :REDSS: :SUPERCHARGERSS: : :HEADERSS: : :COILOVERSS: Wycked hitch