A word of warning (caution: morbid and angry post)

    Quote from FunCycle

    My dad did not do things with the family and I always said that I would not be like that with mine. He did not drink, smoke or whore hop so that was not his excuse. He hunted and fished in his spare time and that did not include us. I have looked down on him all of my life because of us not having family time

    I'm sorry to hear that. I wish it were different for you.


    I am the oldest of 4, and we didn't have a lot of money. We never went hungry, but that's mostly because my Dad worked his ass off. Two jobs, a lot of the time, and then he put himself through night school to become a cop at age 39. He worked a lot, my whole life, until he retired. He took us hunting and fishing as often as he could, sometime camping, and tried to support us with our sports games and such, but I personally missed a lot of time with him when I was a kid, because of his work. Some of it was necessity, some of it was his work ethic, so at least I know where I get it from. Luckily for my younger siblings, they got more time with him after he retired from the PD and all.


    I never resented him for it, but I didnt always understand. When my son was born, I didn't see him very much for the first 11 months of his life due to 80-90 hours of shift work per week getting the aircraft carrier out of the refueling overhaul, and it made me think a lot about the sacrifices that my dad made growing up. This was the same time period that my dad was sick before he finally passed, the same time period I decided to change my career. I basically realized that my dad missed a lot of the beginning of my life, I missed a lot of the end of his life, and I was at risk of missing the beginning of my childrens' lives, all due to work. So, I made a change.


    I still have some long days and weeks, and until I get in the groove with the boss gone now, they'll probably get longer for a while. But I intend to drive my time at work back down to a manageable level. At least I don't have any more overnights on duty on the ship, and no more deployments, but I don't intend to let my hours creep back up either. (Although, I can already see that this job is going to require working from home for emergent issues, too, which pisses me off to no end.)


    So, we'll see how it goes. Work, family time at home with the kids, solo time with the wife, household chores and honey-dos...There's never enough time. I learned that lesson as a small-business owner, and I'm learning it again. Time is the single greatest commodity we are given. You can never recover it, correct the misuse of it, or make more of it.

    @KayTwo, more true words have never been spoken. Growing up, both of my parents worked opposite schedules just to make sure the three of us had equal time with at least one parent. Weekends were strictly family times. They made the best out of every moment they could spend with us. As I grew older, and had my own family, I used to make excuses about the "job being our means of life"!!!!! It took a while for me to come around and figure out I needed to make more time for the family. After putting the period on my first marriage, I made the promise to never use "the job" as an excuse ever again! My children from that first marriage benefited greatly from that. My children from my current marriage think I'm the coolest thing since sliced bread. Well, at least one of them does. The other, unfortunately, we lost in 2006 to an IED attack. The limited time we had together was just that...limited. But of that little time, we still managed to form a mutual friendship. After all, I was courting his best friend...his mom!!! We worked through that, though!
    Far all of those folks out there who think "the job" is more important that the life you brought into this world...think long and hard about your choices! What you build within your home, will carry on forever. What you build at work, will be upgraded by some introverted little kid with no sense of worth! Our families are our legacies. What we build will stand the test of all times!!!! (Off my soapbox now)

    You have to learn to delegate the jobs and decisions to others around you, instead of being the one person everyone calls on. I know because I was that one person that everyone came to for parts, schooling and trouble shooting the problems plus doing the repairs that I was really responsible for. It was not unusual for me to have 3 or 4 people waiting to talk to me about the job. My job required me to work for every person in the mill and construction at times. Then one day I said enough and started doing exactly what I was responsible for. Remember one thing about the job, no matter what. You are the one in control. OK, I will get off of the wagon.

    Quote from mytoy

    @KayTwo sorry to hear that.
    For the longest time I travel for business worldwide like 4-10 week away two weeks at home. But for the past 15 years don't do that anymore, just ones in a while. And I know my family likes that. You are so right.

    I did not want to mention this originally but today I remembered why is a said it is 15 years hence I don't travel so much anymore. I was on my way back home from Europe exactly 15 years ago and we landed in Nova Scotia thanks god, but why do travel extensively and take a bigger risk. We can Live with less money easier then not being there for our family's.
    I Thank all the ones which made the sacrifice for all of us so we can make decisions like I did.

    Do not resent growing old. Many are denied.... The Privilege :REDSS: :SUPERCHARGERSS: : :HEADERSS: : :COILOVERSS: Wycked hitch





    I bought my Slingshot for reasons very similar to your words of warning, @KayTwo. I am a Paramedic of 21 years in a Rural location. I know my patients. Literally. I see my friends & family at both their best and worst moments of their lives. I have transported both of my parents more times than I can count. I have seen young kids become adults then die on the side of the road in a senseless accident. And I know them all.


    For the past few years I have known that my coping mechanisms we no longer working for me. Shit has been creeping up on me and sleep was becoming harder & harder to obtain. I have always been a very outgoing and social person. However, I am now almost antisocial towards community events. Sure, I am more than friendly when approached. That can't be helped, it is who I am. But, do I attend weddings, social events, fundraisers.....? Nope. Was it noticed at home? You bet.


    The Slingshot clears my head. I am spending real time with my wife again. Family is noticing the change as well. The antisocial behavior will take longer to come around, if it ever does. But the home life is improving.


    If you want to change how things are heading, you need to first acknowledge the issues exist, then take steps to correct them. Once you realize how important your home life is to you, then doing something, no matter how crazy it seems, to fix it is always worth the effort.


    Find your strength, find your joy, and live your life with those you love. By the time you realize you should make changes, it is often too short of a time to have enjoyed it. Do it now.


    Peace & Strength to you KayTwo.

    Quote from FunCycle

    You have to learn to delegate the jobs and decisions to others around you, instead of being the one person everyone calls on.

    I'm working on that. Really, I am. And I'm not horrible at it in general - lots of practice with other jobs. Problem is, some of the things I'm dealing with are either already delegated twice, or I can't legally delegate further. But, I'm in the process of learning all the things I'm now responsible for, and once I know that, I'll know what and how to delegate.

    @MBMedic, I apologize for the delay in reply. I've been meaning to, but the week really just got away from me, and I wanted to give your post the thought and response it deserves.


    My dad was a cop in a small city in ME, and one of my best friends in the world was a paramedic in one of the adjacent rural areas. Both of them dealt with similar issues to those you describe. Neither of them got help for a long time. I watched my dad's change, and it was a pretty stark change. I can only use those experiences (from the outside looking in) and the peripheral experiences I've had with friends with service-related PTSD to color my opinions and understanding. (Although, as I think about it, while I was in school, I also went through some significant training and two years of service as a peer counselor for sexual assault victims. That certainly shades my opinions as well.)


    It sounds like you had someone (or a group of someones) looking out for you. You were fortunate to find a somewhat easy solution in the Sling - I think most of us find it therapeutic, so maybe you're just more honest about your use of it.


    Regardless, I know what you mean about social gatherings and large groups in general, I'm the same way, so in my opinion, if you are more balanced at home, and with small groups of friends and family, then there's nothing wrong with a change in your opinion on large crowds. We all change throughout life, it's unreasonable to assume someone won't make changes as they grow through experience.


    There's a book that I value a lot when it comes to open, frank discussions about mental and emotional trauma, PTSD, things of that nature. It's more geared to cops and military, those who might have to take a life, but there is some stuff in there that might resonate with you. If you're up for something new, check out "On Combat," by Grossman. Might give you some fresh insight.


    Hope your journey continues on a good path, brother. You're not alone. And if you ever feel like you are, please reach out to me. I'll come find you in the darkness.

    Also, for a few folks who have expressed concern for me - I'm doing pretty well. My head has been mostly clear in the last week, just handling some extra stress at work as I go through the boss's paperwork and files, and try to keep the mission moving forward, and plan his memorial, etc, etc. I had a bad day Thursday, but that was primarily because I hadn't been sleeping enough. I fixed that Thursday and Friday nights. I'll do better at that. But otherwise, the only major issue I'm dealing with repetitively is that this whole thing has triggered a bunch of internal shit left overy from when my dad died a couple years ago. Very aggravating to have had all of that handled, and have it come rushing back without the control I've had on it in the last year or so. But we'll work through it again, no worries. Thanks to those who have reached out through here. Much appreciated.